Broken
by Colt And Katana
Summary: Rick's fractured mind leads him to behave in a way that neither he nor Beth would have ever dreamed him capable of. Is it over, or have they opened a door they shouldn't even think of walking through?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**:This story deals with themes of non-consesual sex, sex with someone under the age of eighteen. If you have triggers from these subjects, or don't like to read them, I recommend you avoid this fic and go elsewhere.

**...**

_**Beth Greene was torn between concern and anger.**_

She was concerned for Rick's sanity. At the same time she was angry at him for neglecting his daughter. The girl was two days old and he'd never held her. He'd not even properly looked at her yet. Why? Beth couldn't imagine having a baby and ignoring it. Lori would be so upset with him, Beth was sure, if she could see how he was behaving now.

Glenn had told them how out of it Rick was, how he'd almost attacked Glenn when he went to check on him. Her father spoke of how he was sitting in the basement room where Lori had died. He'd cleaned out the walker that had eaten her remains but there were things that weren't right with him. He had waited until he thought she couldn't hear but Beth had overheard her father tell Glenn and Daryl that Rick was hearing voices of people on the phone.

Something was seriously wrong here. Beth was genuinely afraid that if someone didn't do something to pull Rick back from the brink he'd kill himself. Or possibly hurt someone. She found it infuriating that none of them were willing to go talk to Rick, to reach out a hand and try to either help him or slap some sense into him.

Well, if they wouldn't do it, she would. The baby, poor thing didn't even have a name outside of Asskicker, as Daryl called her, and she needed her daddy. They all needed him.

When nobody was watching, after the sun set, Beth took a flashlight and a knife and made her way to the common room. Rick had finally come up long enough to get himself cleaned up and take a shower, to say hello to Carl again, and get something to eat. Now he appeared to be heading back to the tombs. She followed, keeping her flashlight off and just watched the bobbing light from his as he stomped his way carelessly through the bowels of the prison, uncaring if he drew the attention of walkers.

When he went into the room Beth hung back in the shadows, watching him, and waiting for something to happen. She wasn't sure what until he suddenly looked around, as though he heard a noise, and grabbed the phone. He began talking into it and Beth's heart broke for him.

_He thought he heard it ring_, she thought to herself. Pity was strong inside her when she came into the small pool of light from the oil lamp on the desk after he hung up.

"Rick?"

He spun around, startling her by how quickly he moved, his hand going to his gun. His face became a mask of complete shock. He stared at her in disbelief, and then his face broke into a pained smile.

"Oh, God…" he said, coming toward her.

"Are you okay?" she asked, watching him stare at her as though he was seeing right through her.

"Is it you? Is it really you?"

Beth frowned in confusion as Rick took her face in his hands and stared down at her. He studied every contour of her face; he stroked a wisp of loose hair back and pulled her close toward the desk so he could see her better.

"You're so beautiful. I thought I'd lost you."

"What?" She was completely baffled by his words. And the way he touched her, it felt off, completely inappropriate.

"Lori…"

He thought she was his dead wife come back to life.

"I thought you were dead."

"Rick, it's me, Beth."

She was trying to pull away from him but it was like he couldn't hear her. It was like anything he heard or saw that didn't fit with having Lori back in his life was easily disregarded, especially since she told him to look at her. She told him her name and tried to pull away but he just stood staring at her, drinking her in.

_Coming here was a mistake_, Beth thought.

She'd completely underestimated how deeply loosing Lori had affected Rick. He was broken. His mind was completely broken and she realized she may be in danger with him.

"I love you so much," he whispered, resting his forehead against hers.

"Rick, please," Beth said, trying to break through to him. "It's me, _Beth_. I'm Hershel's daughter. Remember? Beth? I'm not Lori. Look at me!"

His eyes came up to look into hers but he still had that frighteningly dreamy smile and glazed eyes. He didn't hear her. He couldn't handle losing Lori again and he couldn't make himself process what Beth was telling him.

"I'm gonna keep you safe this time, Baby. I'm never letting you go again. I'm sorry for how I treated you. I'm gonna keep you safe, I promise. It's gonna be all right."

Beth tried to pull back when Rick kissed her. She tried to lean away from him but he kept a firm grip on her head and started pushing her back toward the desk. He finally let go of her head and used his hands to hoist her onto the desk and put her legs around him. She felt his hardened length press against her. She tried pushing at him but his hands were everywhere and his mouth was all over her face and neck.

"Rick, please, you're scaring me!"

Beth shoved hard at him and slapped him with all the force she could muster. He looked back around at her, his face stinging from the slap, and for the first time since becoming aware of her presence he saw her. He clearly saw her.

"Beth?"

"Yes," she panted, relieved. Thank God, she'd gotten through to him. "You thought I was Lori."

"Lori," he said flatly. "I need her. I love her."

He had tears in his eyes and her fear of him abated. He was back to himself now. He was a sad, broken man but he wasn't a threat.

"I need…I need you," he said.

"Rick," she said tentatively. "I'm not Lori, I'm Beth."

"I need you, Beth."

He knew who she was. He needed something from her. She felt so sorry for him when she said, "What do you need? Tell me, I'll help you all I can."

The last thing she expected was for him to put the oil lamp on the floor and then swipe the remaining junk off the desk. He pushed her flat on her back and reached for the button of her jeans.

"Rick! What are you doing?"

"Need you…" was all he said, in an oddly flat voice. He was still erect. His hands were shaking as he pulled at her zipper. She struggled to shove his hands away. Rather than let her go he pushed his hands up her blouse and began squeezing her tits.

"Please," he whispered, and began kissing her again.

She shoved at him, she struggled but he kept pushing her arms away and touching her. She was alarmed by how strong he was over her, and tried to maneuver off the desk, but he blocked her. Her legs were around him and no matter how she tried she couldn't put her feet anywhere to use them to shove him away. Her legs were stronger than her arms but he was pinning her down and all she could do was flail them ineffectually.

"Rick, stop. Stop it!"

He wasn't stopping…and that scared the shit out of her.

**…**

_**Oh my God, he's going to rape me.**__ He's gone crazy and he's going to rape me._

The thoughts were as loud as a thunderclap in Beth's mind. She felt tears stinging at her eyes, felt her stomach roll with panic, her heart raced in fear. He'd pulled her shirt off and had his lips planted firmly on her neck. He was working his way down her belly and that put just enough distance between them for her to get a foot against him and shove.

Rick pinwheeled as he fell back. Beth wasted no time in making a run for it but he grabbed a handful of her panties and hauled her back. She spun, trying to slap him again but he caught her arm. Her feet went out from under her and she fell to the ground with him on top of her, momentarily stealing her breath.

"Rick! Stop! Help me! Somebody!"

There was nobody to help her. She'd give anything for some walkers to come crashing in.

Maybe it was her tears. Maybe the fear in her voice, but something snapped him out of it.

"Beth…" he said, and began weeping. He lay down on her, putting too much weight on her, and began to cry, his tears hot on her neck.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm so sorry…"

She needed to get up, get some space between them. She didn't know how long this moment of lucidity would last. Trying to remain calm, Beth gently pushed at him and he rolled to his side.

"Don't go," he pleaded, looking pathetic and miserable on the floor beside her.

She sat up and covered her chest, shaken, her body trying to come down from the adrenaline that had shot into her veins. She remained in place, watching him for a moment, before getting up to grab her shirt. She was wary of him when he got to his knees and crawled to her.

"I don't know what happened. I don't know why I did that," he said wetly.

She let him wrap his arms around her, let him press his face to her belly.

"It's okay," she said, stroking his hair, trying to be kind to him. What he did was not okay, however. She wasn't okay with him right now but she knew that what he'd done wasn't really the man he was. He'd never hurt someone. Not intentionally.

They remained there, him leaning against her, her stroking his hair. His body finally settled, no longer shaking from his own adrenaline rush.

"You hate me now."

"No, Rick, I don't hate you. I'm just…you scared me."

"I'm sorry," he said again. "I need…I want to feel something good. The pain…it's too much."

"I want to help you. I just can't," she said. "It's not right. Your wife just died and I'm only seventeen and I just…"

She didn't have any qualms about sex. She'd had some experience with Jimmy. It was just the idea of doing it with Rick, especially after what had just happened, rattled her to her core. She also felt sorry for him.

She remembered how deeply she'd hurt after her mother was put down. She remembered how Jimmy had come to her a few days later and made love to her. He wasn't a great lover but the sex had been like a balm on an open wound. For a while she'd had something other than grief to feel. She knew where Rick was right then. It just seemed too weird for her to be the one he took comfort in.

His mouth was on her bare belly. Her jeans were still unfastened. Beth stiffened when she felt his hands tug her jeans down her hips.

"I'll stop if you say so," he whispered. "Don't make me stop. Please…"

This was the last thing she wanted. She didn't like the idea of Rick's hands on her. She liked him, she thought he was handsome, but she wasn't sexually drawn to him. He didn't do it for her. His touch made her feel dirty but he was so hurt, so broken, she found it difficult to turn him down now that she knew he was in his right mind again and he would stop if she said so. She had control over what happened next. She wanted to leave, say to hell with him and his pain, but she also found that she didn't want to abandon him, to leave him broken and alone while she ran away to her cell, knowing he would be here weping on the floor of the old office.

Sensing she wasn't stopping him, but also sensing she was stiff and unresponsive, Rick kept kissing at her thighs. He nudged her panties to the side and found her core, uncaring of what she wanted. He just needed to stop the pain. He needed to feel something good, to taste something good, and Beth offered both of those things.

He stood and turned her around, shoving her panties down where they bunched with her jeans around her knees. He yanked her bra over her head and squeezed at her breasts. Her nipples were only half hard. She was tolerating him, nothing more, nothing less. She was, he knew, doing him a favor, even if she didn't enjoy it.

He could accept that.

**... **

_**Already he was so lost in**_ feeling her, touching her, kissing her, that he'd forgotten Lori. He'd forgotten death. He'd forgotten everything bad. There was only this young girl, bent over a desk, letting him use her because she wanted to help him.

Beth tensed when she heard his gun belt fall to the floor, followed by his zipper.

_Relax_, she told herself. _It'll be over soon_.

She hoped it was over soon.

It hurt when he slid into her. She was tight, and dry, and her hands gripped the edge of the desk as she bit her lip from the discomfort. He was bigger than Jimmy, and it had been months since she'd lost him. Rick felt as though he was tearing her as he began to move. She felt his hips slam into her, felt his balls as they hit the back of her thigh. She stared at the wall, trying to think of anything other than the fact that the man she trusted, and had come to love like a big brother, was screwing her over a desk, selfishly taking something from her that she begrudgingly given out of pity.

Then something happened. He slowed in his thrusts and reached around to stroke her clit. He pressed his chest against her back and remained still inside her, stroking her with his left hand before running his fingertips over her arms. He ran those fingertips over her body, across her nipples until they stiffened, doing what he could to make it good for her despite all the bad shit that had gone down between them.

Beth was more surprised by her reaction than he was. She felt herself moisten. She felt her pussy clench around his as a minor tremor of pleasure struck her. She looked to the right and saw an old broken mirror. She saw Rick leaning over her, stroking her, feeling her moisten around his cock before he began to move again. She wasn't fully aroused but she wasn't detached as she had been.

His thrusts resumed, his fingers picked up pace on her clit. Beth gripped the desk edges and watched in the mirror as he took her. There was a lot less pain, physically. There was a lot less disappointment emotionally. She could see his face in that mirror. It was as fractured as his mind had to be to lead him to try to force himself on her, only to fuck her when she gave in.

It was a mystery to Beth, as she watched him reach climax and pull out to come on the floor behind her, why she'd agreed to let him fuck her. Only moments before she'd been afraid of him, hated him. Now she still found she was still upset but that hate was gone, replaced with pity.

Rick staggered back and fixed his pants, and Beth did the same. She pulled her shirt on and stuffed her bra into her pocket.

"Beth…"

"I don't want to talk about it," she finally said.

"Can you ever forgive me?"

Beth sighed. "I forgive you, Rick. I know you're not yourself. I'm just disappointed."

He felt guilt and shame and he couldn't help but think he'd rather feel those things over what went down between him and Beth than the pain he felt over losing Lori.

"We'll never find our way back from this, will we?"

"We will," she said, still trying to be good to him. Still trying to comfort him.

He said nothing else and she left, returning to her cell without running into anyone else. She wondered how they'd face one another with this secret between them.

She wondered how she would live with the fact that, as she lay there staring at the darkness, part of her had enjoyed being bent over the desk and fucked by Rick Grimes. She wondered how she would live with the fact that, given the chance…she'd let him do it again.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Beth lay in her cell, staring**_ at the darkness, her pussy sore from the fuck in the office a few minutes ago. Unable to sleep she went down to the showers, wishing she could take a hot one, but that was a luxury from the old world she'd never indulge in again.

Rick's scent was still on her. She felt sticky between her legs. Some of it was tinged with blood. Her blood. She lathered up a washcloth and scrubbed everything away, scrubbed harder than she should, feeling dirty, feeling conflicted as she did. When her skin was raw she rinsed off and then put on the pajamas she'd brought with her before going back to her cell.

Once again she lay in the darkness, listening to Daryl Dixon coming back to his cell. She thought of perhaps stopping him, going to him for a talk, then thought better of it. He wasn't one to share, about anything, and he may get suspicious if she seemed off to him and he'd say something to her father, or Rick. That could lead to a sticky situation.

Not long after she heard him enter his cell, which wasn't far from hers, she heard a rhythmic slapping sound. The quiet of the prison left no privacy for anything. Normally she liked to hear him beat off. In fact, she liked it tonight. She liked it so much that despite the sensitivity between her legs from her encounter with Rick, Beth got up and walked a few empty cells down to his door. She stepped in without knocking and saw him lying on the bed, beating off, his cock thick and heavy in his hand.

She became so wet, so needy, she just reached for him, startling him, making him sit up too fast and he banged his head on the bunk above him.

"What the hell?" he whispered.

Still, Beth didn't speak. She reached for him again but he swatted her hand away.

"Get out," he said.

"I need to be fucked," she said, turned on with the kind of intensity she wouldn't have thought possible. She wanted to climb atop Daryl and force him to give her what she wanted even though he owed her nothing.

Was this what Rick had felt? Would she overpower Daryl if she was physically capable of it?

"What's wrong with you?" he demanded, trying to cover his dick with his shirt. "You ain't like this."

"You gonna fuck me or not?"

"Not," he said. "Jesus, you're a kid!"

"I'm a woman."

"Beth, just go," he said, physically pushing her away.

Beth suddenly deflated. All of her desire was gone and she turned and stalked out. She lay back down in her bunk and was overwhelmed with relief that Daryl had turned her away. She heard him resume masturbating and she felt the moisture between her thighs and when he climaxed on a hard grunt Beth found herself crying.

…

_**The next morning brought heat**_. She awoke to change clothes and stood outside until Daryl left his cell. He looked embarrassed as he tried to pass her.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me," she said. "It won't happen again."

He only shrugged and hurried down the steps, leaving her alone with her thoughts. She had to tend to Judith. She needed fed and changed while Rick prepared to go on a run. Beth had butterflies in her stomach when she approached cell after having taken Judith from Maggie's care. This would be the first talk they had since what happened the night before and she was determined, if nothing else, to make him look at his daughter.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his eyes avoiding Judith.

He seemed genuinely concerned and Beth felt a stab of hatred for him. Like he cared if she was okay. He was probably afraid she'd tell her father and expose him for being a monster.

Then she hefted Judith and reminded herself she'd let him fuck her at the end. It wasn't all on him. She'd made choices too and now she'd have to live with them. She'd have to live with the guilt and the loathing she felt as she acknowledged that at some point she'd wanted Rick to fuck her.

Rick, the group leader. Rick the man who made all the tough calls. Rick the man who would kill for every single one of them to keep them safe. Rick, the man she'd wanted to see as more than a man, superhuman, only to see that he was anything but.

"I'm fine."

He nodded and, still without acknowledging the baby in her arms, he headed out to the yard to meet up with Daryl.

…

_**As the days passed into weeks**_ Rick came around. He finally held Judith. He finally became a father to her. He still saw Lori's ghost but he wasn't so far gone that he couldn't tell a vision created by madness from reality. Beth had time to process what happened, and her own feelings, and realize she'd forgiven Rick for what happened. He'd been responsible for his actions and he'd never shied away from that. She also didn't shy away from responsibility for her part in not telling him to stop when she could have.

What Beth found most difficult to reconcile was the fact that she would fuck Rick again. She'd told herself she hated his touch but even the night it happened she knew…she'd do it again. She didn't want those feelings. She didn't want those thoughts but she had them. Denying them was pointless.

She found him in the generator room one day, adding fuel so they could keep the lights on since the rainy season was due to start. They'd need the lights.

"Something wrong with Judith?"

"No, she's fine. I was looking for you."

"Okay," he said, capping the empty fuel can and setting it on the floor.

He wasn't prepared for Beth to throw herself into his arms and kiss him. It was a hard, brutal kiss, with no kindness to it. It was all rough presses and harsh movements of her tongue. He pushed her away and that filled her with fury. Here she was, burning with lust, and he pushed her away? After what had happened?

She slapped him.

"Beth!"

"What's wrong? I'm not good enough for you anymore? Am I sullied now?"

"No," he said, holding his face and looking at her like he didn't know her.

She shoved at him. He backed away. She shoved again. He backed away.

"What's wrong?"

She shook her head, angry, and grabbed his shirt, pulling him into another kiss. This time he wasn't so quick to push her away. When he began to reciprocate she pulled away and looked at him.

"Stop."

He released her and she stood back, watching him.

"I don't understand. What do you want from me?"

"I don't know. I guess I wanted to know if you would stop if I told you to."

"I'll never hurt you like that again," he said. There was an intensity to his voice that was palpable to her soul. He was sincere.

"We never really talked about it," he reminded her. "We haven't moved on. You don't trust me. You're mad at me and you have every right-"

"I trust you, _now_. I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at me. I'm mad because at the end, when you started touching me, I wanted you to fuck me. I'm mad that I wanted it. I'm mad that I still want it. How twisted is that?"

Rick stood watching her, at a loss, confused. "I don't know what to do."

"Neither do I."

She walked away from him. She wasn't surprised when he didn't follow.

**...**

_**Daryl was snoring loudly when Rick**_ came to her cell that night. She lay in bed, staring at the ceiling since she'd removed the top bunk to keep from banging her head when she woke in the mornings. He wordlessly sat down beside her. Their eyes had adjusted to the dark and now the faint moonlight that shown through from the corridor windows was enough to see by.

She was wearing shorts but no panties underneath. She watched Rick put a hand on her leg and slip it higher until his fingers found her. She moistened at once. She lay there, staring into Rick's eyes as he began to finger her, filling her pussy with a sweet ache, making her wetter as he added a second finger.

"Harder," she whispered.

Rick obliged, fingering Beth as hard as he could. She put one leg over his lap, opening herself to him, while he withdrew long enough to work her shorts off. A moment later he was leaning over her and pushing inside.

"Hard," she said, feeling wetter than she'd ever felt before.

Rick began pumping into her. Their breath came fast and they tried to keep it down lest they wake Daryl, who slept a few bunks away. There was a very moist sucking sound in the room, and heavy breaths that she was sure had awakened the archer who had stopped snoring.

Would he come to her cell as she'd gone to his? She didn't care.

Rather than worry about it she gripped Rick's ass and wrapped her legs around him as he rode her even faster, brutally thrusting into her, fucking her with wild abandon. Each thrust sent a shock of pleasure deep into her core. It was more intense than anything she'd ever felt with Jimmy. This time, when Rick came, he didn't pull out.

She wasn't finished. He knew it. Rick reached between them, pushed his fingers back inside, and fingered her again. He suckled her nipples painfully hard and the feel of it drove her over the edge. She came on a sigh and he released her.

"Get out."

Rick swallowed, as though pained by the command, and nodded. He quickly dressed and then left, heading the opposite direction of Daryl's cell lest he be seen. Beth pulled her shorts back up and wiped sweat from her brow. After a few moments she turned over, a smile on her lips. She'd had some control. She'd given commands and Rick had followed them.

She could trust him after all.

**...**

Please review. I'd love to hear thoughts and I'm an unabashed review whore :D


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: I really didn't want to have to explain this to readers in an Author's Note. I wanted the story to explain this because I expected everyone who read it to be patient enough to see where I'm going with this rather than just dismissing the whole story based on an assumption from a very tiny bit of it and then flouncing. You all know me as a writer. You read my work. You know that I don't lay it all out on the table in the first two chapters. That isn't, in my opinion, good storytelling. There's a lot more to this story than meets the eye. You may not agree with the message but don't be quick to dismiss it, either, or to dismiss this story before you've read it all and then determined what message you think the story sends. We're early on in this fic. We've got a long way to go before we reach the end so don't make assumptions about what this story is trying to say after only two or three chapters. You can do that if you like but I personally feel that's not fair to the story, just dismissing it as rape glorification, and not seeing what the real message in the story is. I describe Rick as broken, named the story Broken, so people assume this is about Rick, but is it really about him, or _only_ about him? Or could it be that Beth's broken too?

**…**

_**Daryl was at her cell door.**_ She could sense him there after Rick left.

"Come to get some of the prison slut?" she asked in a cool voice.

"You ain't a slut," he replied. "You okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

He just stood there in silence. Her head was toward the cell door so she'd have to crane her neck to look at him. She didn't bother. After a moment he took a couple of cautious steps inside. When she didn't bite his head off he came in and leaned against a small filing cabinet in the corner. The smell of sex was fresh in the cell. He didn't seem bothered by it.

"I'm not in the mood to fuck," she told him.

"I ain't here for that," he said, crossing his muscular arms over his chest.

"Why are you here, then?"

He shrugged, looking at her, at a loss for words. "Rick, huh?" he said, after awhile.

"Yep."

"Cause I turned you down?"

"Cause it already happened once."

Daryl tilted his head. "None of my business but when?"

"When he tried to rape me a couple of weeks ago. The night I came to your cell."

She'd seen Daryl stiffen. "Rick raped you?"

"Tried to. He was crazy, thought I was Lori for a long time, then when he knew who I was he said he needed a fuck. I refused but he kept going and…"

Daryl had stood up, his fists were clenched.

"He _stopped_, Daryl. We talked about it and he asked me not to make him stop and…I let it happen. I let him fuck me while I was bent over the desk in the office Lori died in, down in the tombs. And then I realized that there was a point where I liked it, near the end, and I knew I'd let him fuck me again and so tonight I did."

"Son of a bitch," Daryl hissed.

He made a move to leave the cell, probably to go to confront Rick, but Beth gripped his hand as tightly as she could and hissed out a harsh "Don't."

"He can't be rapin' people! Ain't right!" Daryl whispered back.

"Daryl, I agreed to it. He didn't rape me."

"Sounds like he messed up your head to me."

"What? I'm not messed up," she shot back, offended.

He was shaking his head. "I ain't got the right words. I just know when somebody's been done wrong by somebody older it messes them up and then…they don't know what's right and wrong anymore. He did wrong by you and you don't even know it. Christ!"

"You act like I'm some baby who was molested and too stupid to understand it."

"You ain't the same as you was before. I gotta say somethin' to somebody, Beth. I just gotta."

"You're making me sorry I told you anything, Daryl. You better not say anything to Rick, or to Daddy, Maggie, or anybody else. If you do I swear I'll hate you forever. I'll never forgive you!"

He pulled his hand away and Beth panicked. She realized Daryl was going to run somewhere, probably to confront Rick directly, but maybe he'd go to her father.

"Don't!" she said, panic clear in her voice. She was so desperate for him to stop that he actually did.

"You gotta see it, Daryl."

"See what?"

"I'm a woman who can handle herself. I don't need you to solve my problems. I made peace with what went down with Rick and me. I'm okay. I really am."

He stood facing away from her. She could see him framed in the entrance of the cell, a black shadow trimmed in silver, big and strong and protective. She loved him for it. She also feared everything being ruined because she'd trusted him and opened up to him. Maybe, if she was an outsider and she saw him talking to another girl her age she would encourage him to leave the cell, leave her, and go tell her father what Rick had done. She wasn't another girl, though, and she didn't want him to open his mouth. The idea of the shame of it, of the fallout, especially for Carl, horrified her.

"I trusted you with my secrets. Don't betray me."

Trust was something Daryl took seriously. Maybe he thought he was doing the right thing, or feared he was making a mistake, but in the end he nodded once and left. She heard him collapse on his bunk a few moments later, to Beth's enormous relief.

Beth relaxed, sure he wouldn't say anything, but she knew things would be different from there out. She just wished she'd kept her mouth shut.

**…**

_**She found Daryl the next morning**_ tinkering with his bike. She waited for Carol to leave before she went to talk to him. It was chilly and the ground was wet from rain and it looked like there'd be even more of it later that day. The sky was a depressing gray. Normally she enjoyed the rainy season. Today the sky was only a sad mirror of her mind and heart.

"You say anything?"

He shook his head but didn't answer.

"You want to, don't you?"

He nodded. "Rick needs to know to keep his hands off you, don't care if ya are sayin' yes. Jesus, the man grew up in a normal house and went to school to be a cop. He should know better than to be doin' what he's doin' with you."

Beth couldn't exactly disagree with Daryl but she still didn't want Daryl butting in. "It's my choice who I sleep with, Daryl. I don't want you fixing my problems. Why can't you see that? I just need you to be here for me and let me work this out myself."

He stared up at her, wiping oil off his hands, considering that. So she wanted a friend not a savior. He could get that. He'd always hated somebody trying to save him. He reckoned her being a girl didn't make that less valid but he still didn't like it.

"How you wanna sleep with somebody that did that to you? I don't get it."

"You saw how Rick was after he lost Lori."

"Ain't no excuse tryin' to rape a girl, Beth."

"He didn't rape me. I told you that. I _let_ him."

"Maybe you thought you let him. Your mind musta been messed up or somethin'. You was in shock maybe? Then you thought you liked it? I don't know. You see what I'm sayin'?"

Beth stood there, arms crossed, a chill going through her that she wasn't sure was really connected to the cold. Her breath puffed in front of her. She and Daryl stood there in silence. She didn't want to think of what he was saying but he didn't leave her a lot of choice.

Had she been in shock when she let Rick fuck her? Had she not really let him fuck her but had been just too confused to say no? Had she…_had_ she been raped after all? It hadn't felt like rape. Not like when he first attacked her, forcing her down. She'd let it happen.

"What makes you think that?"

"I had a mean daddy."

Her mouth opened in shock. "Your father molested you?"

He shook his head. "Beat me. Beat me all the time. Got worse after my mama died. I used to think I deserved his belt buckle across my back for little shit like spillin' glasses of milk or breakin' a bottle of beer by accident." Daryl went very still, staring down at his hands as though he saw someone else's hands. The hands of a cruel father. "Came a point where I'd see a beatin' comin' and I just turned my back to him so he could get it over with. Came a point…I'd do stuff to set him off…thought it would make him happy."

She was surprised at this revelation and threw her arms around his middle in a tight hug. Daryl was closed mouth about everything. It felt strange for him to open up to her and share his past with her. It wasn't lost on her how big it was that he'd do that. She felt her heart breaking, imagining a tiny, helpless Daryl Dixon being mistreated by his father. Why was he sharing all this with her? Did he really see her so much as a victim that he felt he could open up such deep secrets to her? There was a saying: Takes one to know one. She usually used that as a sarcastic reply to a light situation but she realized there was a lot of truth to it.

"I'm sorry," she said thickly. It was hard to talk over the lump in her throat.

"Weren't your fault," he said, shrugging and pulling away from her. He looked uncomfortable with her touch so she didn't hang on when he pulled away.

She said, "Maybe I was messed up. I'm not now. I put the moves on Rick yesterday. He came to my cell last night because he knew I wanted him to, Daryl. I _wanted_ him to fuck me. I'm sure of that. Thank you."

"Thank me for what?"

"For turning me down that night. I wasn't in my right mind when I came onto you. You did the right thing."

Again, he shrugged, and then went back to working on his bike. He was done with the talk. So was she.

"Thanks for keeping my secrets. It means a lot to me."

He nodded.

"_You_ mean a lot, too. You have no idea how good it is not to have this on my back alone."

She affectionately ran a hand over his head and then left him to his work, heading back inside to care for Judith. When she was gone Daryl spied Rick heading his way and stopped working on his bike.

"Come here," he said.

Rick approached, a worried look on his face. He'd seen Daryl and Beth talking. He had a pretty good idea what they'd talked about.

"I know what happened with you and Beth," Daryl said.

"You heard us," Rick said.

"I mean before that. She told me how you raped her. You of all people. I thought you was better than that."

Rick swallowed hard, looking guilty and ashamed, and rightfully so. "I didn't rape her. She consented. If she'd said no I would've stopped."

Daryl couldn't believe he was that deluded. Maybe Rick didn't grow up in a normal home, or maybe good men fucked up too, but that didn't make it right.

Daryl said angrily, "Why'd you do it? To _her_ of all people?"

"I don't know! I was in a bad place that night. I wasn't myself. It ain't an excuse, I know that," Rick said heavily.

Daryl could see how weighed down with self-loathing Rick was. Self-loathing was a feeling he was intimately familiar with. Guilt was a helluva feeling. Sometimes it was a better punishment than anything people could mete out. It wasn't like Rick could be tried in a court of law and sentenced. They were living in a prison with all kinds of empty cells but there wouldn't be one for him to serve time. Daryl found that bitterly ironic.

"It ain't an excuse, it's a reason," Rick said. "If you want to take me up before the others we can. I won't fight it."

Carl came to mind. Asskicker did to. Rick was all they had by way of blood. Well, he was all Carl had by way of blood. Daryl had seen how Lori and Shane carried on. He believed Judith was Shane's blood. Didn't matter. Rick was her father. She needed him. When it came right down to it, with the world the way it was, they all needed him.

That still didn't, in Daryl's eyes, give Rick free reign to do whatever the hell he wanted to the people under him, and he said that to Rick, who nodded in agreement.

"You're right. About all of it. I can see how disappointed in me you are. Imagine how disappointed I am in myself."

"Can't be too damn disappointed, doin' what you did last night."

"You don't understand the situation, Daryl."

"Do you, Rick?"

Rick licked his lips and shook his head. "No, not completely, but she needed something from me. I'd give her anything if it would make things better. I think she trusts me again. She knows I won't try to hurt her like that ever again. Daryl, I swear, I've never done something like that to a woman before. It'll never happen again. I'm still the same man you called friend."

Daryl didn't know if he trusted Rick. He probably wouldn't be able to ever again, not really.

"I'm human. I made a terrible mistake and I'm sorry for it."

Daryl bit his lip and nodded. He didn't know what else to say and, considering their situation, he didn't know what else could be done. Beth wasn't a child and he couldn't control her. Hell, nobody could. She could make all the shitty decisions she wanted to, so could Rick, and nobody could stop it. "I guess."

"Give me time. I can prove it to you."

"You gonna keep fuckin' her?"

"I don't know."

"Do you wanna?"

"I love her," Rick said.

Daryl doubted that. "I don't know what's going on with you and her but it sure as shit ain't love, Rick."

Rick closed his eyes. He didn't have to say a clear cut yes for Daryl to know he _did_ want to keep it up with Beth. That Beth would keep it up with Rick, when she had other choices and people to protect her, was something Daryl was having a hard time understanding.

He went back to work on his bike and decided he'd just let time sort it all out. He wouldn't jump to too many conclusions right now. He wouldn't make any decisions. He'd never lost his mind so he didn't know what he'd be capable of if he did. He wasn't the type to assume he was righteous and better than another man. Rick's footsteps faded, and Daryl was relieved that he was gone.

**...**

**A/N**: This is likely the last of this fic to be posted before the holidays. See you after Christmas, or possibly New Year, with more of this fic. I wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Holiday, and a Happy New Year. May the best of 2014 be the worst of 2015. As always, I look forward to your reviews, your thoughts, on this chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

In which Beth and Rick continue their pattern of self-destructive behavior. Daryl remembers something about Beth that even she'd forgotten.

**...**

_**Beth found Rick in the prison library that night**_.

All day her thoughts had gone back to what Daryl had said about maybe she was raped and didn't realize it. She'd turned it over, worried it to pieces, and still didn't know what to think. So she'd gone walking, wanting to talk to Rick, feeling like she needed some kind of excuse so she took some of the meat Daryl had caught and grilled and went looking for him.

"Thanks," he said, taking the meat and setting it aside.

"Daryl said some interesting things."

Rick nodded. "Yeah, he's got a lot of interesting things to say."

"He may not be really educated but he's wise," Beth noted. She leaned back in the chair to regard Rick, who'd brought a lamp to keep the darkness at bay. She began to tell him of what Daryl had said and then waited for a response.

"Well?" she prompted.

"He's probably right. I probably did rape you."

"You feel guilty?"

He looked her in the eye. "Yes. I'm a piece of shit."

She looked over at the stacks, thinking they looked like hulking, broken monsters who'd given up the will to fight.

"I don't feel like a rape victim." She regarded him directly. "I don't think you're a piece of shit."

"Then what am I?"

"A good man who made a mistake. I'm a good woman who made a mistake. Looks like we're human."

"That's it?" he asked, shaking his head. "I wouldn't let another man off that easy. I'm not letting myself off that easy. You shouldn't be so quick to forgive."

"If I hold a grudge it's gonna kill me. Is that what you want? You want me miserable and bitter?"

"Of course I don't."

"You're feeling guilty. That's punishment enough for me. Even more than locking you up in a cell where you feel like an innocent man who did nothing wrong."

They fell silent again.

"I have these flashes where I hate you. Then I love you," she said.

"I told Daryl I love you. He said what's going on between us ain't love."

"He's right. You're not in love with me."

Rick nodded, thinking that was a fair assessment. "I know."

"You want to be in love. Better than grieving. But you do love me. In a good way. A decent way. Same for me."

He bit his lip. "Doesn't explain this lust I feel."

Her eyes were hooded, smoky, when she nodded. "I feel lust, too. That's why I don't feel like I was raped. If I felt that way I wouldn't want you to pull my pants down and fuck me over that table like you did that night. I wouldn't be so wet right now."

He hissed out a breath. "Don't talk like that, Beth."

She stood up and went to the edge of the long table, the part that was shrouded the most in darkness. He watched her, unable to tear his eyes away from her. She pulled off her jacket and then unzipped her pants. She pushed them down, not once looking at him, and bent over the table. He saw her fingers between her legs before they disappeared into her folds. He hissed sharply, feeling his cock harden and twitch. Neither of them were surprised when he stood up.

"What are we doing?"

"We're working it out," she said.

"You still hate me?"

Beth shrugged. "Not right now. I don't hate you, Rick. I hate what happened. I hate that you scared me that night. I hate that I trusted you and you scared me and then…I don't know. Maybe I'll never know."

He unzipped his jeans as he stood behind her, looking down at the patch of blond hair beneath the round contours of her ass. He had another condom in his pocket. He was trying to carry them in case things like this happened.

Beth remained bent over the table, waiting.

"So we just keep doing this?" he said, rolling the condom on.

"Until we figure it out. Or until we don't want to anymore," she said. "I don't want to think about it. I just want to fuck. Is that too much to ask for?"

"I should run away," he said, and positioned himself at her entrance. She was wet and loose. He slid in easily and she moaned. "But I won't."

"Fuck… Do me hard," she sighed, and gripped the desk as Rick obeyed and began to slam into her with brutal force.

…

_**Beth felt dirty. She felt an**_ intense feeling of self loathing when she left the library.

Once she was back in her cell she started to change clothes. She heard a timid knock. She recognized it as Daryl's.

"Come in."

"Jesus, Beth!" he said, looking down. "You're nekkid!"

"Daryl," she said on a sigh. "You've seen naked women before haven't you?"

"Yeah but…"

"Just come in. I know you're not gonna try anything. It's late and I'm tired."

He refused to look at her and Beth found that amusing. She was also touched. He was a redneck, yeah, but he was a gentleman as well. She pulled on her shorts and sat down on her bunk. He finally looked up at her.

"You smell like sex," he said.

There was a kind of disappointment in his eyes. She nodded. She didn't think she needed to explain herself so she didn't, and he didn't press.

"What's up?"

Daryl shrugged. "Just thought maybe you weren't feeling good or something. You's late gettin' back."

"My hero," she joked.

He made a sound of disgust and stood up. "'Night, Beth."

"'Night, Daryl. Sweet dreams."

"Yeah, yeah."

…

_**A lot of things happened over**_ the next few weeks. Her sister and brother-in-law were kidnapped. Through all the drama of losing people, fighting the Governor, losing Andrea, and Merle, and gaining new people from Woodbury her eighteenth birthday came and went. She'd forgotten it herself until Daryl approached her with a single red rose and a candy bar.

"What's this?"

"It's your birthday, ain't it?" he said, shrugging.

"Oh, my God! It is!" she said, giggling. She threw her arms around him and he surprised her by hugging her back. "Daryl, you're so sweet."

"Ah, whatever," he grunted, and moved on down the corridor.

Beth couldn't handle the influx of people robbing her of her privacy, or the sheer number of people snoring at night, and smelly shoes from dirty feet, so she moved her things to a cell that was close to the deputy warden's office. There were, literally, only four cells there, at the corner of the wing. She wondered what purpose they'd served. Had new prisoners been held there? Were they used to segregate certain prisoners? She supposed it didn't matter. She had a lot of privacy now. Daryl took the cell furthest away from hers, around the corner, and made it his own room. She had a sneaking suspicion he'd followed her because he wanted to keep an eye on her.

She sat up late one night, reading, aware of how quiet the prison was in this area. She liked that. She liked the silence and the relative privacy and the security of knowing Daryl was only a holler away should one of the newcomers get out of hand thinking she was an easy target.

Daryl was normally quiet, and he came went on a regular schedule. Things had settled into a good routine and life itself was getting better. The population was growing. The prison was changing, developing. She was thinking such things after she put down her book when she heard it-sounds of sex coming from Daryl's cell.

So far all she'd ever heard was him beating off. She thought perhaps he'd brought Carol back to his room. She still hadn't figured them out though she assumed they were in love. As she listened to someone moaning she realized it wasn't Carol. It was someone else, one of the newcomers that had been rescued from the outside.

Unable to handle her curiosity, Beth tiptoed around the corner and very carefully peeped inside Daryl's cell. He had some woman, Susan or Sara or something, bent over with her hands against the wall and was ramming into her.

"Shhh…" Daryl said, when the woman moaned loudly. "We ain't alone."

She bit her lip and quieted down. Daryl went back to thrusting into her. Beth retreated and went to her cell, hornier than ever now, and wished she had someone to fuck, too. She lay down and listened, pushing one hand down her shorts. Daryl Dixon fucking was one of the hottest things she'd ever seen. His dick had been bigger than she'd expected. Then again, so had Rick's.

She continued toying with her clit, fingering herself, doing what she needed to do to get off as she listened to Daryl's grunts and the slapping sounds coming from his cell. She came before he did, and she imagined it was her he was pounding against that wall, not that newcomer.

Minutes later she heard the woman's bare feet on the concrete floor as she left, passing quietly by Beth's cell. When she was gone, Beth got up and wiped her hands before going to Daryl's cell. She leaned in the doorway while he lay back, one hand over his eyes.

"Have fun?" she asked.

He peered up at her, looking embarrassed. "Thought you was sleep," he said.

"Nope. Wide awake. So, I guess this us as roomies, huh? We're the only ones here. We'll hear each other every time one of us gets laid?"

She giggled and his mouth crooked up in a smile.

"I was starting to think you were gay, you know. You never seemed interested in sex, at least not with a woman."

He shrugged. "I ain't gay and that wasn't nothin'. Just blowin' off steam is all."

"Nothing wrong with that," Beth said. "Good night, Daryl."

"Night."

When she fell into bed she had no difficulty putting the worries of her life aside and falling asleep.

**...**

**A/N**: Updating sooner than I thought. Thanks for reading/commenting, guys! You inspire me.


	5. Chapter 5

_**The night of Andrea's funeral Beth**_ heard the sounds of crying coming from Daryl's cell.

She got up and slipped her feet into some warm slippers she'd found and padded over to Daryl's to check on him. He had his face buried in his pillow and when she sat down beside him, he jumped.

"It's okay," she said.

"I'm fine. Just allergies."

He wiped furiously at his eyes, embarrassed at having been caught crying. Beth rubbed his back but he just looked miserable and uncomfortable, especially when she climbed over him and rested her head on his chest.

"Whatcha doin'?" he asked suspiciously.

"Being a friend," she replied. "You cared about Andrea. There's nothing wrong with that, Daryl. You don't have to be emotionless to be strong. In fact, if you can cry without shame, then that shows you're strong. How did you meet Andrea?"

He was silent so long, sniffing, staring at the ceiling, she wasn't sure he'd answer. Even if he didn't she didn't care. She wanted him to know she was there for him.

"Me and Merle were looking for a mark. We found Glenn coming back from a run in Atlanta. I thought that was ballsy, him going into the city alone with it infested with walkers. He said he was part of a group taking people in and asked if we wanted to come back. Said this world wasn't the kind of place people could survive alone."

"I'll bet Merle didn't agree with that."

"Yeah. I didn't either," Daryl confirmed. "We decided we'd meet up with 'em, rob 'em when we got the chance, and head out on the road again."

"Then what?"

"Well, we got to the camp and saw it was set up pretty good. Merle and I talked and decided to take a rest with 'em for a few days, maybe a week, before we took off with the good stuff. I met Andrea when she came back with a few fish and was cleanin' 'em. I thought she was good with a knife and she handed me one and told me to earn my dinner. She called me sexy and winked at me."

Beth chuckled. "I can see her doing that. Did you have a crush on her?"

"Naw. She were too good for me. I knew she was only being nice. I was cool with that."

He lay there, his arm squeezing her shoulder, deep in thought.

"Merle went on a run, came back, and then he went on another. That second run was the one where we lost him, where he lost his hand. I stayed with the group."

"Excuse me."

They looked up. Rick stood in the hallway watching them. He had an angry look on his face.

"What's this?"

"Just talking," Beth said. "You need something?"

"Yeah, I need to talk to you."

"I'll be back," Beth told Daryl, and climbed off the be to follow him back to her cell. Rick stared her down as he pulled the privacy curtain of Beth's cell.

**...**

_**"What's that?"**_

"I told you. We were talking."

"Mmmhmm," he said skeptically.

"If it was more it's none of your business," Beth said, crossing her arms. She wasn't amused by Rick's jealousy. "I ain't yours and you got no claim on me, Rick."

"Is that right?" he asked, advancing on her while taking his belt off and began unbuttoning his jeans to free his obvious swelling erection, a predatory look in his eyes.

She felt herself moisten. Felt her heart rate pick up. Damn him. Just the thought of his hands on her, him pushing into her, made her ache for him.

"I'm not in the mood."

"Liar," he countered at once. He shoved her onto the bed. She tried to sit up, flashing back to that night, how he'd pushed her onto the desk. That excited her and terrified her. It filled her with lust while at the same time she was filled with self-loathing. She should hate him. She should hate him manhandling her as he did now, shoving her shorts out of the way to expose her dripping folds.

"Stop," she whispered.

"You really mean it?" he asked, rolling on one of the condoms he kept with him at all times.

"Yeah, I mean it."

He ran a finger through her pussy and lifted it, showing it glistening with her juices.

"Don't look like you want me to stop."

She tried to sit up but he hoisted her higher onto the bed and began roughly kissing her. She pushed half-heartedly at his shoulders, a parody of the first attack.

This is sick, she thought. What's wrong with me? With us?

"Say it again. Beg me to stop," Rick whispered in her ear.

"Stop," she gasped, low in his ear. "Don't do it. Leave."

He felt her hands gripping his ass, urging him forward even as she protested, telling him to stop, and he pushed into her.

"No," she whispered, and wrapped her legs around him.

Rick's belly burned with disgust and lust at the same time. He pumped into her, pounding her, making her gasp every time he pushed in. Then he flipped her over and entered her from behind, going deeper, loving the moist sound her pussy made as he fucked her. He watched her come over his cock and began to thrust so hard, so fast, she had to bury her face in the scratchy blanket on her bed to keep from screaming.

"So wet," he whimpered. "Fuck…"

He came hard, his vision graying at the edges. God, she was going to be the death of him.

He lay on her, sweaty and panting, and he knew by how stiff she was she really did want him gone, but he remained put.

"Get off me, Rick, I mean it."

He gripped her wrists and held her in place. She tried to look back at him.

"I mean it, now. Get off!"

Rick put his lips to her ear. "Daryl's a man. He'll fuck you no matter how noble he's trying to be."

"What if I want him to fuck me?"

"You don't fucking let him touch you!" he whispered roughly, gripping her wrists to tight she was sure he'd leave bruises.

All he could feel was this insane jealousy. This crazy intense sense of entitlement to Beth.

"You're hurting me, Rick," she whispered. She didn't want Daryl coming in and a fight breaking out. That could end up getting word out to the others.

His grip loosened but not enough for her to free herself. She felt trapped, pinned down, angry but not afraid. He was still inside her, deflating.

"You're mine," he whispered. "I'm yours too."

"I don't want you."

"Didn't feel like it just now, wet as you got."

"I like fucking you, but wanting you? The man? I don't want _you_, Rick. I don't want your love and I'll fuck whoever the hell I want and you can't do anything about it."

Rick had rarely ever wanted to hurt someone so badly in his life. She didn't want him. She didn't want his love. She just wanted whatever this sick, twisted thing they had going was and it both hurt and infuriated him. It also kind of relieved him. He felt absolved when she said it. Why, he didn't know.

"I better never catch him with his dick in you. I don't know what I'll do but it'll be terrible," Rick threatened, making her hate him anew.

"Get off me."

He obliged this time and released her wrists. They were red where he'd gripped her. She watched him discard the used condom in the garbage bin and zip up. He replaced his belt, staring her down. She refused to look away. She refused to cower and be afraid.

"Goddamn you," she whispered hatefully.

Rick nodded. "Yeah. He no doubt has."

**…**

_**Rick stopped at Daryl's cell**_. The other man was sitting on his bunk, his arms resting on his legs. He looked at Rick. Undoubtedly he'd heard most of what had happened.

"Fuck her," Rick said quietly. "I'll kill you."

There was something heated in Rick's eyes that made Daryl think Rick wasn't lying.

"You can try."

"Just keep your hands off her."

"You're the one who needs to keep their hands off Beth," Daryl said, remaining seated.

"She and I have what we have. I don't need you trying to move in on it. I'm serious Daryl. Beth's off-limits."

He didn't wait for a reply. Daryl didn't have one to give that didn't involve going for his gun. He wanted to unload it into Rick's chest for what he was doing but Beth, he couldn't deny, was a willing participant. He'd heard the whispers after all the moaning and grunting and squelching of their union that had put a shameful stirring in his loins. He couldn't stop himself from trading places with Rick in his mind whenever he heard them going at it.

That made Daryl feel ashamed. He didn't actually think of Beth in those terms most of the time, but when he heard her fucking Rick he just couldn't stop from wishing he was the one she wanted. That made him feel dirty, like he was as bad as Rick in that regard.

Would he fuck Beth if she came to him again? Would he use a kid like that? Would he ever be able to admit that he wanted Beth to love him because he, despite his best efforts, was starting to have feelings for her that he felt he shouldn't?


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N**: I don't know what's going on with this site and having issues with uploading chapter six. Hopefully it has been resolved and you see this now. Chapter seven has also been posted.

**...**

_**Michonne was loathe to admit it**_ but she'd lost the Governor.

She went out, traveled, spoke with people, some of whom had encountered a solitary man with an eye patch who called himself Brian. She was always days, sometimes weeks behind him, and never got close to catching up to him. It was beginning to feel like a hopeless endeavor. A fool's errand.

Now she was back...at least until her anger for the bastard got the better of her and she felt a need for vengeance so strong she saddled up the horse and hit the road, hoping to find the murdering son of a bitch and just end him once and for all.

It had come as a surprise that Rick had put down his guns in favor of a shovel and a hoe. She had a hard time picturing Rick as a farmer but she understood his reasons, and she found them to be noble. Carl needed his father. He needed guidance and structure and she hoped it wasn't too little too late.

Rick was a man worthy of admiration. Not, Michonne thought, because he was flawless but because he worked so hard to overcome his faults. He knew people didn't want to see him as someone who could fuck up, which was unfair, and that kind of pressure could take a devastating toll on a person. He'd suffered under that kind of pressure and she was glad he was taking a step back. If there was one thing Michonne appreciated it was a man with flaws and she wanted to explore all of his. She just didn't think Rick would ever feel the same way toward her.

Now she was back and had picked up her old routine of working the fences to kill off the walkers who congregated there in the hopes of getting in to feast on the people who had made the place home. After a hot morning of that gruesome job she hit the showers and then the grill for a late lunch, where she ran into Maggie and Beth Greene. The sisters were involved in a heated discussion and Beth was the one to end it by grabbing her plate and storming off.

"You okay?" Michonne asked.

"The question is she okay. Something's wrong," Maggie fretted after hugging Michonne. "She just won't tell me what it is."

They sat down to eat, something Maggie had learned to make herself do since she knew that you could never predict when you'd get to eat again so you never passed up a meal. She wasn't hungry but she forced it down.

"I'm here to listen if you need to talk."

Maggie paused and considered her thoughts. "Beth hasn't been the same since Lori died. You didn't know her before so you don't see it. She's sullen, angry, closed off... Unless she's sassing you. I've asked, I've begged, I've threatened, trying to get her to open up. Nothin works."

"Were she and Lori close?"

"Not really. This is something else. I just can't figure out what."

"I could talk to her."

"She doesn't know you."

"Exactly. Sometimes it's easier to open up to people you don't know that well. I may be just who she needs to talk to."

Maggie nodded but she wouldn't hold her breath. "I'd appreciate it."

"Just one thing: if she asks to keep it between me and her I will, so long as what I learn isn't something that endangers her safety."

Maggie didn't like the idea of Beth sharing with Michonne but not her. Still, as long as Michonne learned Beth wasn't a threat to herself she could live with the mystery.

"OK."

…

_**The last person Beth expected to**_ turn up at her door was Michonne. She and Michonne had probably spoken about ten words since they met, so Beth couldn't imagine what she wanted.

"Hi. May I have a minute?"

Beth nodded and motioned for her to come in. Michonne leaned against the filling cabinet like Daryl normally did when he came to visit.

"Maggie is worried about you."

"I told her I'm fine. You can tell her too."

"Look, I know we don't know each other, and prying isn't what I want to do. I just want you to know that I understand what it's like to want a friend, or wish you had someone to confide in who won't judge or try to fix all your problems the way family will. Sometimes you just want to talk and let that be it."

"No offense, but you don't strike me as the chatty type."

Michonne smiled, the first Beth had ever seen it, and she was stuck by how pretty Michonne was. She was also struck by how right she was. It would be a nice change to have someone to talk to outside of family.

"I can be stand offish. I can also be understanding. My door is always open. In fact, I'm going to be on guard duty tonight. By the gate. If you want to come up it'll be nice and private."

…

_**Beth sat in her cell later**_ that evening waiting for Rick to swing by and pick Judith up. She had her journal open and sitting on her lap. The last entry had been written only hours before she made that fateful decision to follow Rick into the tombs. She looked at the words inscribed there and saw a completely different girl on the page than who she was now. She bitterly wished she could travel in time, go back, and tell herself not to follow Rick, to leave him to his madness.

She hadn't made an entry since. Some of it had to do with a legitimate fear that the diary could be discovered. She loved Maggie but she wouldn't put it past her to snoop and read it. Then she would know what had happened. Then everything would fall apart. Their whole system would crumble and that was guilt that Beth just couldn't live with.

Besides that, she just couldn't make herself put it all, the whole ugly, sordid mess, down on the page. Somehow that would make it feel not just a lot more real to her but somehow it would make her feel worse, rather than better, as writing in her journal should.

She often spent time talking to Daryl, much to Rick's consternation, and she took some petty enjoyment spiting the former Sheriff's Deputy in that way. She and Daryl never spoke of what happened that night, or the nights that followed. They didn't need to. They'd talked it all out. They all knew where they stood.

Except, Beth thought, she was never _completely_ sure where she stood. She changed her mind like the wind changed directions. She couldn't decide what she felt. She didn't know what she was doing. Neither did Rick. He was as lost as she was.

Michonne's offer to talk looked damn good to Beth. She didn't have to reveal everything at once. She didn't even have to reveal anything at all if she didn't want to. She could just have someone to talk to and not worry that she would do what her sister always did: Demand to be told the problem so she could fix it. Maggie always meant well but it was still infuriating to Beth.

"Carl has Judy tonight," Rick said, startling her from her thoughts. "I'll be by after everyone's asleep. Be here, not in Daryl's cell snuggled up next to him. I don't want to see that."

Rick infuriated Beth, how he assumed he could just tell her that he was coming by rather than ask her permission. She'd complained before only to have him comfortably brush her off because he knew she would put up with it. Also, she hated his attempts to separate her from Daryl. He objected to any sign off friendship between them and that was just one more reason for her to resent Rick. She refused to let him own her no matter how hard he may try.

Had he been this way with Lori? He certainly hadn't seemed to be, but she hadn't been privy to the details of their life together. She didn't think it had been this way with Lori. He'd been a different man then. Beth thought, though, that if this had been the kind of relationship he'd had with Lori then it was little wonder she'd cheated on him.

"Not tonight. I have plans."

"With Daryl?" Rick's eyes narrowed in suspicion and he knelt before her, looking up at her. "Are you screwing him? Just tell me."

"No, I'm not screwing him. Not all men are pigs, like you."

The barb hurt him. She was starting to think he wanted, or maybe even needed, her to say hurtful things. Perhaps it was the only way he could feel punished for what he did. It angered her that he would use her to soothe his guilty conscience.

"Then what are you doing if you're not with him?"

"I'm going to the guard tower with Michonne. I need a friend to talk to."

Rick's eyes widened in alarm. "Are you crazy?"

"No. That's you."

"You can't talk to her about us! She'll go to your father. Think of what'll happen then. Think of what'll happen to Carl and Judith!"

Beth rolled her eyes, feeling disgusted with him. "Believe it or not, Rick, you're not the center of the universe. You're not all I think about. I have no intentions of talking about us. I just need a friend."

She wasn't sure that was completely true. Rick did take up too much of her life. He was on her mind too much. He was in her cell too much. In her body too often. She felt like he was consuming her in one fashion or another and she feared that soon there would be nothing left of her old self to salvage.

Rick didn't look convinced but he would just have to trust her.

"Go, Rick. Just leave me alone."

She meant that in more ways than one and she thought she could see that he understood that when he looked into her eyes. She also knew, looking into his, that he had no intentions of doing so.

…

"_**Please tell me that's coffee," Michonne**_ said, helping Beth come up into the tower before closing the trapdoor.

"It's not just coffee, it's the good stuff," Beth confirmed. "Tyreese and Glenn brought back about fifteen pounds of coffee beans that had been sealed up so they're still fresh. We've got an old hand crank grinder and a percolator. I made a thermos for us."

"Fresh coffee? Instead of the instant crap we've been drinking for a year?" she said, shaking her head. "I could kiss you."

Beth presented her cheek to Michonne who dramatically leaned away from her. "Not on the first date. What kind of woman do you take me for, Beth?"

Beth had no idea Michonne could be playful and it was a wonderful and welcome surprise. She heaved a sigh and shook her head.

"Fine, play hard to get. Just don't keep it up or I'll lose interest and move on."

"Noted."

They sat on the tower and let their legs hang over the edge. It was peaceful out. Curfew was at ten pm and they were an hour out from that. The grounds were empty, the lights were off. Even the four walkers who'd survived a day of purging had quieted down, just milling around outside the fence across the yard, out of earshot so they didn't have to listen to their restless moaning. The full moon painted the world in liquid silver and wind rustled through the trees.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" Beth asked, pouring two small cups.

"This coffee, first off," said Michonne. She sighed after her first sip. "I want to marry it. To think, I didn't even like coffee before the turn."

"Me either. Not unless it was loaded down with sugar and cream. Funny how this new world changes your taste buds."

Michonne nodded in agreement. "It changes a lot of things. I no longer blink at cold showers."

"Or using men's soap" Beth added.

"Or even wearing men's clothes."

They laughed.

"I've done that a few times," Beth admitted.

"Maggie tells me you're angry and withdrawn. You don't seem that way to me. Though I do wonder about the bracelets on your wrists."

Beth's wrists were still sore and bruised from Rick's last visit. She jangled them.

"Maggie just gets under my skin. The bracelets…I have my reasons."

"Hiding bruises?" asked Michonne.

Beth chose to sip her coffee instead of answering immediately. After a few moments she said, "I had an adventurous encounter with a man I'm sleeping with. I don't want Maggie to know. She couldn't handle the idea of me having sex. He's older than me and she'd just cause trouble."

"So it was consensual then?"

Beth nodded.

"Then that's your business. I won't pry."

"Thanks. I appreciate that."

Michonne chuckled. "Here I was all prepared to tell you about something that happened to me when I was eighteen."

"You can still tell me."

"It'll stay between us."

"Of course," Beth said, nodding.

"I used to want to be a tennis star, when I was in high school. So I started working with a coach. I loved tennis. I loved school. I was one of the popular girls."

"I can believe that. The pretty popular athlete type. I was going to say you were a cheerleader."

"I made the squad but chose tennis instead," Michonne informed her.

"Were you good at tennis?"

"I was, yeah. My coach said I could go pro. He really pushed me to train, to work and succeed. I loved him for it. My parents loved him, too. He was young, twenty-five, and good at what he did."

"I have a feeling something bad happened."

"He came to my house one day when my parents weren't home. He was just suddenly all over me, kissing me, touching me, trying to push me onto the couch."

Beth's grip tightened on her cup. She felt it give a little under her hand but she couldn't stop. She felt her hand shake and Michonne saw it too. She didn't ask what was wrong. She just looked back to the road and the grounds, still doing the job of keeping a lookout. Images of that night with Rick began playing through Beth's mind. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear what was coming next but she was helpless to ask Michonne not to go on.

"He told me that if I wanted to be a pro that I'd have to learn how the game worked in every way. Nobody made it on skill alone. The wheels had to be greased and this was just another part of my training. I thought he knew what he was talking about. I thought he wanted to help me. I even thought maybe he loved me. So I let him. He was my first."

"Oh, God. I'm sorry," Beth said.

"I was too, for a long time. I withdrew. My game suffered, my grades suffered. I almost didn't graduate. I was miserable and angry. The school nurse realized something was wrong. She became suspicious and called my parents in. She was worried someone was molesting me, even asked my father if it was him, and when I realized he may be blamed for something he hadn't done I told them about my coach and what was going on. He was fired but he wasn't arrested because I was eighteen and I'd told them I consented. I had, you know? I did consent. I thought maybe we were kindred spirits in that regard but if you're with this man willingly maybe we're not."

She waited for Beth to speak up. When she only sat there, shaking, Michonne continued.

"Sometimes you can find yourself in a situation you don't have the life experience to handle. Sometimes you don't know what to do. There's no harm in opening up if you feel like that."

"I need to go," Beth said. "You can have the rest of the coffee."

"Beth, I don't want to hurt you. Okay? I just want you to know that if you need to talk I'm here. Nothing we say to each other will ever leave my lips. No matter what it is, it stays between us. I give you my word on that."

"Thanks. I'll remember that."

She hurried back to the ground and ran toward the prison, her body shaking, her heart heavy. There was a lump in her throat so painful she could scarcely swallow. She just needed to be alone. She didn't know why she wanted to cry so hard but she did. She hurried to an empty room in the administration building, sat down in a dark corner, and wept.


	7. Chapter 7

_**The red eyes and the residual **_sniffling told Daryl that Beth had been crying. He wondered what Rick had done to her now. Had he gotten violent? Had she tried to end it and he raped her? If that was the case, Daryl decided he was going to go to the council and drag Rick in front of them.

"If he's put his hands on you again I'm taking him to the council."

Beth lay on her bed, her back to the cell while she faced the wall. She looked tiny and helpless and Daryl's protective instincts shifted into high gear. Hell, he thought he should have gone to the council long ago. He could have spared her a lot of shit if he had.

"He didn't. I'm just…I don't know…sad."

Rick didn't usually come around on Wednesday nights. Daryl came into the cell and sat down on her bed. Awkwardly he reached out to pat her arm. He'd hoped to comfort her but that only made her cry harder.

"What can I do?" he asked, feeling lost, feeling sorry for her.

"Will you hold me?"

"Rick could come in."

"Screw Rick. Please, Daryl. I just…"

"Okay."

He felt really awkward but he climbed in behind her and put his hand on her shoulder. He wanted to cringe when she grabbed his hand and pulled it up, under her arm, so that she could entwine her fingers with his and hold his hand close to her heart. He felt the pulse there, a little too fast, and her breath was shallow. She still hitched on occasion in an echo of her earlier sobs.

"I just want to be loved," she whispered.

"You are loved. You got lots of people who love you."

"I'm dirty now. I'm always gonna be dirty."

"You ain't dirty, Beth."

"You're just saying that because you're my friend."

"I am your friend and I'm sayin' it 'cause it's true. You ain't dirty. You're good," Daryl insisted, trying to reassure her. He knew she didn't believe it. Hell, he never believed anything good anyone ever said about him either. That's how you felt in your heart when you were broken.

It took twenty minutes but finally her grip on his hand loosened and she was asleep. He got out of bed and threw a blanket over her to ward off the chill in the air before he went back to his cell. He respected what Rick meant to the group but he fucking hated what was going on between him and Beth. He just didn't know how to put an end to it if Beth wasn't willing to stop sleeping with him.

…

"_**My sweet girl," Beth said, kissing **_Judith before turning her over to Carol for the day. She just wasn't in the right frame of mind to care for her.

"Are you okay, Beth?" Carol asked.

Beth wished everyone would quit asking her that. She didn't say that aloud, though. She just nodded. "I'm fine. Just tired, is all. I feel out of it, like I'm coming down with something."

"Well, you get plenty of rest. I've got Judy for a couple of days if you need to get well."

"Thanks, Carol. I appreciate it."

Maggie motioned for Beth to join her for breakfast. They were having scrambled eggs and Maggie produced a shaker of salt. "Glenn brought it back. I snagged this because salt never lasts around here."

"Pepper doesn't either," Beth said. She pushed her eggs around on her plate and then forced herself to take a few bites so Maggie wouldn't nag her.

"I know I'm a hard ass," Maggie said after watching her for a few minutes, "but I am because I love you."

"I know you do. I love you too."

"Could I convince you to spend some time with me today?"

"I'd like to but I'm not feeling good. I need to lie down for awhile. That's why I gave Judy to Carol."

"Are you sick?"

"I don't know. I just don't feel myself."

She finished her eggs, kissed Maggie on the forehead, and headed off to the library to find a book. She grabbed some old western and headed back to her cell but she only found herself getting to the end of the page with very little idea of what she'd actually read. She ended up putting the book aside and staring at the ceiling.

Thoughts of Daryl crept up in her mind. He'd been so good to her last night. He wasn't the tender type yet he'd overcome his natural inclination to shy away from people to actually lie in bed and hold her. She'd expected him to make some kind of move, to get an erection and want her to satisfy him, but he hadn't.

Daryl was nothing like Rick. He was nothing like any man she'd ever been around. She saw a lot of the men in the prison come in and eyeball her, and she'd always wanted to roll her eyes at them. She couldn't figure Daryl out, why he didn't seem to want her in that way. He'd told her she wasn't dirty but she felt like she was. She kept giving herself to Rick because she was either too weak, or too stupid, not to. Every time she tried to figure out what she was doing with their former leader-turned-farmer she couldn't.

_Sometimes you don't know what to do…_

Michonne's words came back to her. She knew the older woman was right. Maybe, if she spoke to Michonne, she could figure out what she should do. She could figure out how to either end what was going on with Rick or maybe even commit to it.

**...**

_**A day in bed had left **_Beth sore and tired. She decided to get up and go for a walk, get the blood pumping in her veins, but when she got outside she found it was overcast and cold and she wouldn't have been surprised if it rained again. She forced herself to walk, to get some fresh air into her lungs. Eventually, however, rain forced her inside.

She took a shower and saw Daryl on his way out. He had guard duty that night and she knew that meant a visit from Rick was inevitable.

Sure enough, Rick showed up at Beth's door, but he wasn't empty handed. He had a tray with a bowl of soup.

"That smells wonderful."

"Daryl and Glenn and I have been raising chickens for awhile. Sarah Gladstone made this for dinner tonight."

That was her name, the woman Daryl sometimes brought to his cell for a screw. She felt a stupid reluctance to eat knowing she'd made it.

"She said to tell you hi and she hopes you feel better soon."

Beth ate the soup. She had to admit it was delicious. Maybe Sarah wasn't so bad after all. When she was done with the soup she looked into the cup.

"Hot chocolate? Where did you get this?"

"Found it on a run. Got it for Carl but I'm sure he won't mind I took a pack."

She studied Rick while she drank it.

"Please don't pick a fight," he begged, seeing the intense look of mistrust in her eyes.

"I won't. I just don't understand why you're being so nice."

"Because I've been too cruel."

He climbed into bed with her and pulled her against him. She lay there, feeling his arms around her, for once not demanding anything, just offering comfort. It was such a wonderful change of pace. This was the Rick she knew from before. The kind and caring man who cared about other people more than he did himself.

"I made a mess of you, of me, of our friendship. I'm sorry, Beth. I know that's too little too late but it's true all the same."

He lay there, letting her think it over. He didn't make a move to screw her, just to hold her, be kind to her, and she found herself enjoying the moment. After a few moments he kissed her forehead and then moved to leave but she held his hand and rolled onto her back to look up at him.

"I'm not faultless. I sleep with and then treat you with cruelty. I could be lazy and just blame you for everything but that wouldn't be fair. I could be kinder. I just don't know what you want from me, or what I want from you."

"I want you to love me, at least as a friend. I want you to respect me again. You can't do that with me being a jealous asshole all the fucking time."

They chuckled.

"And I can't expect you to be kind with me antagonizing you all the time and being an erratic bitch," she said.

"I hope you can forgive me someday."

"I do forgive you. You forgive me?"

He nodded. "Can we start over?"

"Yeah. Let's start over."

He kissed her, very softly, very tenderly, and stood up.

"Sleep well, Beth."

"Thanks, Daryl-Rick!"

Rick's jaw tightened.

"I'm sorry. It's just... I don't know why..."

"Daryl is a friend, I get it."

She expected harsh words, a fight. Instead he deflated.

"I get it. It's okay. I'm not mad."

"Daryl and I are just friends, Rick."

There was no anger in his eyes. Just sadness and she had a feeling that he knew something she didn't but he wasn't going to open up. Not now.

"I'll check on you tomorrow night."

**...**

_**Rick left Beth's cell and started**_ walking. He couldn't go outside because the rain was too heavy but he could walk the corridors, do rounds, think. He wanted to be mad at Beth for saying Daryl's name but he couldn't. How could he? She'd only slipped up, he was sure, because Daryl was the nice one, always there for her some the whole mess he'd created started. Of course she equated Daryl with kindness, not him.

Still, it didn't stop it from hurting. He'd really hoped they could fic things between them. He'd hoped that they could be friends as well as lovers. Now he suspected they could only have friendship between them. Whether Beth realized it or not, she was in love with Daryl. Kind, gentle, awkward, moral Daryl, who would die before he hurt her once, much less over and over again.

"Carl? Have you seen Daryl?"

"He took Glenn's shift in the tower."

"Watch Judith for me, soon. I gotta talk to him."

Carl nodded and Rick started off to the tower where Daryl was keeping watch.

Daryl had a look of dread on his face when he spotted Rick. "What?" he asked, aggressive.

"I just wanna talk."

"I don't."

"Too bad."

They stood under the shelter and looked out at the rainy night. The lightning was frequent and close, often illuminating the yard and the road as though it was daylight.

"Beth called me by your name when we were talking."

"I done told you I ain't touched her."

"I know you haven't. You're a good man. You care about Beth Moore than your own needs. I think she knows that. I think it's you she loves."

"Me and Beth's just friends. Told you that ten times already."

"Damn it, Daryl, I'm trying to apologize. You ain't making it easy."

"Good."

Rick actually laughed at that. A small smile tugged at Daryl's lips.

"Things have been bad for to long. Something's gotta give before it breaks and can't be fixed."

"You gotta leave her be, Rick. You don't love her."

"You're wrong about that, Daryl. I do love her. I just ain't in love. I don't think. I don't know. I just know she ain't in love with me."

"What are you gonna do?"

"Try to let go. It ain't easy. I don't think straight where she's concerned. Same for her with me. It'll take awhile but we'll get there."

Daryl didn't respond so Rick took that as his cue to go. He looked Daryl in the eye. "I respect you. I hope someday I'll earn your respect again."

The trap door opened. Michonne was there to relieved Daryl. He elected to stay with her for a few minutes. Rick was going to leave until Michonne said something that stopped him in his tracks.

"Which one of you is sleeping with Beth?"

**...**

Thanks for reading guys! You've offered such valuable input and I'm really appreciative of it. Keep reviewing!


	8. Chapter 8

In which Rick and Michonne have a talk. Daryl and Beth share a moment that changes everything.

**...**

"_**Wasn't me," Daryl said, answering Michonne's question**_.

She looked to Rick, who confirmed it by looking toward the prison.

"I'm gonna go," Daryl said, heading for the trapdoor and leaving Rick to deal with Michonne alone. Rick cast him a scathing glare, like he was abandoning him to a herd of walkers to save his own ass. Daryl's smirk only made it worse. Once the trapdoor was closed Rick faced Michonne, staring her in the eye, ready to take whatever came next like a man.

"Why?" she asked, looking disappointed in him. She didn't feel nearly as ashamed of him as he did.

He thought of telling her it was none of her business but he supposed it was. They took a seat and he launched into an explanation of what happened the first night, then Beth coming to him, and every single incident between them since. He spoke nonstop for almost an hour, not making excuses, just explaining the facts, much the same way he used to wish perps would talk when he'd arrest them for their crimes.

Michonne had been a lawyer. She had a bullshit radar that was on point. She didn't sense any excuses or lies. When she had all the information she just sat there, looking at him, her knees up and her hands looped around her legs, thinking.

"If you want to call the council I won't fight it."

"I was thinking of that," she said honestly. "You'd be kicked out of the prison. Of course you'd have to take Carl and Judith with you. Or, if you left them here, they'd have to grow up without you. They'd forever wonder why their father had been kicked to the curb."

He nodded.

"Then there's the fact that we need you."

She said it with remarkable calm and with an unsettling lack of judgment in her voice.

"So what now?"

"You've been mired in this situation for months. Why didn't you talk to me? I thought we were friends."

He swallowed. "We are. I just didn't know how to open up. I didn't want to look at what I've become."

"Beth's not a baby. She told me she's with you willingly. She just didn't tell me it was specifically you."

"Then how'd you figure out it was me or Daryl?"

"Wasn't hard. You two are in her orbit way too much for it to be anyone else."

"You've told me what happened. You haven't told me your reasons," said Michonne.

"I don't want to make excuses."

"If you weren't so damned determined not to avoid responsibility I wouldn't. I can see you're not interested in putting blame on anyone else so I want to know why. I need a reason so I can decide what to do next."

Rick thought it over. "Weakness, I guess. I was so hurt over Lori I just wanted to feel anything besides that pain. I wasn't myself that night but after..."

"After?" she prompted.

"I was lonely. I felt guilty, lost. I thought Beth wanted to punish me and I deserved it. I wanted to make it right. I wanted to give her what I thought she needed and take what I needed. It just got worse. Then I realized she had feelings for Daryl and he has them for her. He's been her rock through all of it."

"You didn't have someone to be yours."

Rick nodded.

They listened to the rain. Michonne thought of how to fix everything without destroying Carl and Judith's lives, Beth's too, in process.

"What now?" he asked.

"Now I think on what to do. As soon as I've decided I'll get back to you."

He nodded. "I feel better. Not that my feelings matter. "

"Your feelings _do_ matter, Rick. You're not evil. Wrong, but not evil. It would be easy to judge you and make you the villain but life isn't that black and white. Good people fuck up and don't know what to do. Beth's well-being is important and so is yours."

He shook his head, his chest heavy with grief and self-loathing and guilt. She saw it.

"How can you say that?"

Michonne got to her knees and opened her arms. He looked uncomfortable.

"What are you doing?"

"What you feel right now, that guilt and shame and self loathing? What could I possibly do to you that's worse than that? This isn't the old world. There aren't a lot of options open to us. If there were, I'm not sure they'd apply."

"Don't try to absolve me, Michonne."

"I'm not. You messed up. That'll never change. Come here."

Rick reluctantly leaned forward, hoping to get a quick hug over with, but when he felt her arms wrap around him he felt himself sag into her arms.

"I forgive you, even if you can't forgive yourself."

Literally months of grief, guilt and self hate and stress crashed down on Rick. The feel of Michonne's arms around him was so much more comforting than any roll in the sack with Beth. It was clean, friendly, and truly loving. One of the greatest acts of love he'd ever experienced. For the first time since that night he had hope that he could be redeemed.

**...**

_**Daryl found Beth writing in her journal**_. He used to see her doing that all the time but once everything started with Rick he'd seen that she stopped. Now she was back to it, writing something, looking lost in thought. He was about to leave when she looked up and smiled. She put her pin down and set the journal aside.

"You go on and write," he said. "I'm just going to bed."

"You're all wet," she said, frowning and patting the bed. She scooted back and tucked her feet under her, making room for him to sit.

"I took Glenn's shift in the tower. Said he was feeling sniffly. How do you feel? Heard you was sick too."

"More depressed than sick. I'm much happier now. Rick and I talked."

"Yeah? Just talked?"

"Yes, just talked!"

"Didn't think you two could keep your hands off each other enough to just talk."

She rolled her eyes.

"He said you called him my name?"

He saw her face flush and that made him grin. He did more grinning with her than he did with anyone else in his life. He liked it.

"He brought me soup and cocoa and was good to me. He and I talked and we agreed to start over."

He looked away and rested his elbows on his legs, clasped his hands and stared at the floor.

"What?" she said, getting peeved. She'd thought he was the one person who wouldn't judge her about Rick, not since they'd talked.

"Nothin'. Nunna my business."

Beth scooted closer and took him by the chin, making him look up at her. Their blue eyes met and she wished she could understand what she saw in Daryl's gaze.

"He's sorry for everything that happened and I ain't been an angel about it either, Daryl. I'm to blame for keeping it up. I came onto him that day in the generator room. I either gotta forgive or forget."

"What's wrong with forgettin'?"

"I don't like being alone."

"I know you wanna feel loved, Beth, but that ain't love. Sex ain't love. Hell, even I know that."

She was frustrated with Daryl. "You're putting yourself down again. Uneducated ain't stupid. Even _I_ know that."

The last thing she ever expected from Daryl was for him to lean into her and press his lips to hers. She froze, unsure what to think. She'd come onto him a couple of times and he always rejected her. She was convinced he just didn't want her like that, that he thought she was dirty and wasn't good enough for him. Now here he was, kissing her, despite Rick's threats to do something drastic if anything besides talking ever happened between them.

Then she opened her mouth and Daryl immediately deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue into her mouth and kissing her with a kind of gentle expertise she didn't think him capable of. She moaned into his mouth, feeling her heart start to pound. Suddenly her hands fisted in her hair, and his in hers, and she wanted to pull him atop her.

This was a completely different experience from anything she'd ever known with Rick. This felt clean. This felt good and natural and completely right. They didn't have something terrible hanging between them. They only had friendship and comfort between them.

He pulled back, making her miss his warmth and the taste of him.

Their foreheads were pressed together. They were breathless and she knew he longed for her as much as she longed for him. Oddly, she didn't feel as though she was betraying Rick. Instead she felt like she was doing something for her. Something good. She realized then that she'd wanted this for a lot longer than she'd realized.

"Stop seeing him," he said.

"He won't understand if I do that. He won't take no for an answer. He'll get mad-"

"Beth, he told me you have feelings for me. He knows I want you too. I feel for you."

"Daryl…"

She'd never expected such candor for him. She'd not thought him capable of it. She was pleasantly surprised. She wanted to be with someone who would love her completely. Daryl was that man. He'd love her, and she could love him, and it would be clean. It would be pure. It would be free of all the baggage of the fear and anger and resentment that had simmered between her and Rick, and would always be there, in the background, no matter what happened.

"Think about it, Beth. I won't share you with another man, not even a good one like Rick. Y'all made mistakes. We all did but we get to move on. We can start over but only if you pick one of us."

He was suddenly gone and even though she didn't say it she knew who she wanted to choose, and it wasn't Rick. She was just afraid of how Rick would react if he found out she was more than ready to leave him behind and have a normal, healthy relationship with Daryl, a man she could love without regret.

**...**

I know! I went there with the Bethyl! Are you relieved or disappointed? Thank goodness for Michonne. Someone's got a level head. Beth can finally get away from Rick. They can both let go of each other and move on to healthier relationships. Review, my lovelies!


End file.
